Gettin’ mah Lois Lane on…

…and playing reporter for AfterEllen, specifically interviewing Kayla Ferrel from America’s Next Top Model. That show is a total weakness of mine; from time to time I think Tyra’s gone too far- TOO FAR I SAY- or I feel my soul leaking out of my eyeballs and I vow to quit watching…but I can’t. They show scenes from the next episode or a preview of the next cycle and all my worries and troubles fall away. I should just admit fully that I’m powerless and give in, and smize my life away.

But this isn’t about my reality TV neuroses- this is about providing a link to the interview: et voila, here you go. It was a lot of fun talking with Kayla- way more fun, in fact, than 99.9% of the bullshit roundtable press day interviews I’ve done with actors from the latest crappy horror movie. So there.

a startling realization

Moons upon moons ago I wrote a post about zombies at Final Girl. Therein I talked about one Nathan Grantham, who rises from the ground in the “Father’s Day” segment of Creepshow. I’m going to assume you have a basic knowledge of the story, because if you don’t…well, I don’t want to say anything in a public forum like this, but dude. You should know Creepshow because it’s effing awesome. Anyway, here’s what I wrote:

Something just occurred to me. Let’s think about what Grantham did after he decapitated poor old Aunt Sylvia, shall we, because he did a lot: he put her head on a tray. He found the frosting, then went in the silverware drawer for a knife. He frosted her head very carefully, then went searching for candles. After cramming them into her head, somehow (let’s be honest, it probably took a while to get them to stay standing), he got matches or a lighter and lit them all. And he had to time all of this very carefully in order to surprise Cass and Richard as they approached the door! What a go-getter.

Now, before you get all “Yeah, so?”, here is my point: I recently had a similar revelation about my lesbian vampire fashion doll short film, Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear. It’s really a bit pointless to share, but this is my site so I can do whatever I want! I could just post pictures and stories about my cats if I wanted–oooooooo. I shouldn’t put those ideas in my head.

Anyway, yes: the revelation. There’s a scene in ToFToF that finds the vulnerable ingenue Laura sitting down to a fine meal with the mysterious Lady Mortidella. Said meal includes tossed salad, what looks to be au gratin potatoes, a turkey, and whatever the hell that thing on Laura’s plate is- a Chipotle burrito, maybe?Well, despite the fact that I wrote this thing, like, over a year ago, it only recently hit home that Lady Mortidella made all that fucking food. Duh, right? But I mean. She doesn’t seem to have a man- or woman-servant in her castle, and she states that she doesn’t have a phone so we know it’s not take-out. She’s a vampire. A vampire who wears a cape. A vampire who spends hours cooking turkeys and cutting up vegetables for a salad. Maybe Laura should have taken all that into consideration and been a little more appreciative, rather than eating and driving a stake through Lady M’s heart. Yes, I’m painfully slow on the uptake, but you must admit: there’s something a bit delightful about a vampire slaving the day away in the kitchen preparing a huge meal. She made a salad!

Another log on the fire.

Ah, more stuff to make. The short-n-sweet: I’ve had a script for a slasher movie called Diet! Diet! My Darling! sitting around for quite some time now. It’s come thisclose to actual production on many occasions, but something always got in the way; most often it was that jerk called “financing”.

Rather than sit on a good story forever and ever, I decided to make the film on the cheap, with fashion dolls- just like my short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear…just like my webseries Space Girls- and with that decision, Diet! Diet! My Darling! is officially in pre-production. I’ve created a website for the film that will be updated regularly all through the process, and right now it’s in the fundraising stage. If you’d like to help out with that- and I know you do!- then visit its IndieGoGo page. Spread the word! Spread the horror! YEAH!