Moons upon moons ago I wrote a post about zombies at Final Girl. Therein I talked about one Nathan Grantham, who rises from the ground in the “Father’s Day” segment of Creepshow. I’m going to assume you have a basic knowledge of the story, because if you don’t…well, I don’t want to say anything in a public forum like this, but dude. You should know Creepshow because it’s effing awesome. Anyway, here’s what I wrote:
Something just occurred to me. Let’s think about what Grantham did after he decapitated poor old Aunt Sylvia, shall we, because he did a lot: he put her head on a tray. He found the frosting, then went in the silverware drawer for a knife. He frosted her head very carefully, then went searching for candles. After cramming them into her head, somehow (let’s be honest, it probably took a while to get them to stay standing), he got matches or a lighter and lit them all. And he had to time all of this very carefully in order to surprise Cass and Richard as they approached the door! What a go-getter.
Now, before you get all “Yeah, so?”, here is my point: I recently had a similar revelation about my lesbian vampire fashion doll short film, Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear. It’s really a bit pointless to share, but this is my site so I can do whatever I want! I could just post pictures and stories about my cats if I wanted–oooooooo. I shouldn’t put those ideas in my head.
Anyway, yes: the revelation. There’s a scene in ToFToF that finds the vulnerable ingenue Laura sitting down to a fine meal with the mysterious Lady Mortidella. Said meal includes tossed salad, what looks to be au gratin potatoes, a turkey, and whatever the hell that thing on Laura’s plate is- a Chipotle burrito, maybe?Well, despite the fact that I wrote this thing, like, over a year ago, it only recently hit home that Lady Mortidella made all that fucking food. Duh, right? But I mean. She doesn’t seem to have a man- or woman-servant in her castle, and she states that she doesn’t have a phone so we know it’s not take-out. She’s a vampire. A vampire who wears a cape. A vampire who spends hours cooking turkeys and cutting up vegetables for a salad. Maybe Laura should have taken all that into consideration and been a little more appreciative, rather than eating and driving a stake through Lady M’s heart. Yes, I’m painfully slow on the uptake, but you must admit: there’s something a bit delightful about a vampire slaving the day away in the kitchen preparing a huge meal. She made a salad!